Dating With A Colostomy As A Gay Man
First off, I'm a gay man with a very healthy mojo who was diagnosed with anal cancer in 2015. My colostomy was not made permanent and my surgeon has indicated that he will be willing to see if he can surgically remove scar tissue that could possibly make it possible to reverse the colostomy. It would not be guaranteed, and I could need to have the colostomy reinstated.
Because I dislike having a stoma so much, I have avoided dating anyone or being intimate since 2015 because of me feeling self conscience and fearing rejection. A few months ago I decided to attempt to meet people on several dating sites. Its been a definite challenge. I receive interest, we meet in person and hit it off, and the minute I disclose the colostomy, I sense a change in interest. First meeting and dates with me tend to be all about the date and learning about one another - NOT including sex. So the ultimate outcome is I either don't hear from them again, they ignore my attempts in communication, or they make an excuse about not having time to have another date. Having a stoma tends to be a deal breaker for most gay men. Its a new stigma. And I believe, for most gay or bi men, its worse than having HIV in a time where Prep is available to HIV negative men who are able to get it. How does one deal with being a gay man, who has a stoma, who is limited to having certain sexual activity due to fate?
I don't care what anyone says, there is no one on earth who would like having a colostomy, or who would chose to date someone with one. So the only alternative is to find someone who has the same challenges as I have. You can't find "us" in organized local meetings or socials...stigma makes us choose to stay hidden away. I have only found Meetanostomate to offer up the chance to meet others like me to connect to, and even that is limited by distance and location most of the time. I feel, right now that there is the possibility there is someone for me out there and I may find him on this site. With finances tight for me due to medical bills not paid by insurance, paying for some website memberships is sometimes difficult and impractical. But I do plan to become a full member when I can. I'm really new to this site even though I joined several years ago, I never spent any time on the site until now. I never really believed Meetanostomate would bring me anything successfully. Now I think it may be my last hope in making friends and maybe finding someone who I can love and who will love me for who I am.