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Hey Ostamates

Posted by Angelicamarie

Its 11:43 pm Thursday night and I'm laying across my bed thinking of a profile that I read today which touched me and I wanted to share it with you, my friends.

I will call him Angelo. He had cancer and this paved the road for his ostomy. The year 2008. After awakening from surgery, this resulted in a permanent ostomy that saved his life. He was then enlightened by his wife of thireteen years that she couldn't deal with a man with a bag, So she left him. Can you believe that,  cruel huh!

Think back ostamates or have you forgot?  I havent! His life was turned upside down, mentally and physically, not to mention he was now alone. Nine years later he's still alone, because he has an ostomy and can't find an accepting partner. We know how comfortable it is to be amongst those that have traveled the road that we have. So there's an understanding.

Prior to finding this site, the majority of us had no one to express ourselves to and for that matter to be understood. We live in a world that's not kind and some of us are not kind to one another which is horrible! Because we know how people alienate us as human beings. Not understanding that we are humans with feelings and did nothing but simply became ill. This illiness  required surgery in order for us to to live. We are penalized for being in our current condition. I couldn't help but not to feel the cruelty that Angelo has endured.

Some of us have healed mentally and physically, but some have not. We all deal with our new plumbing differently simply because we don't think alike. Ostamates just think about Angelo and I'm sure there are others enduring similiar pain. Are we cruel to each other?




See all blogs by Angelicamarie
Bill : Hello Angelicamarie.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Angelo's story. I am always moved by the troubling things that people go through in life and it is therefore comforting to feel that there are others who are affected by these stories in similar ways.
There is often very little or nothing that we can effectively do to mitigate circumstances that are beyond our control so what we are left with, is searching for something that we can do that might indicate to others that we empathise and care about them, even though we cannot resolve there problems.
I therefore thank you for being you!
Best wishes
Bill : ----And I hate it, when spelling mistakes creep in unnoticed and there is no way to edit them after the message is posted!
Angelicamarie : Bill thank you for commenting on my blog hey ostamates. Yes your right , something's we can't change, but perhaps sharing his story touched someone going through the same thing. Also understood your second comment know you didn't mean ill intent.i sent it before editing, however I did go back and edit.,I'm simply human will be more attentive!!! Thanks again !! Angelicamarie enjoy
The rest of your weekend!!!!
Bill : Hello Angelicamarie.
I was interested in you reply to my post in that it implies that you think that the 'mistake' I was referring to was yours. In fact I did not notice any mistakes in your post but was referring to my own misspelling of the word 'there' when it should have been 'their'. I am sorry I did not make myself clear about this.
I was commenting the other day on another post about how easily we miscommunicate in trying to express ourselves in written and verbal language. It's just as well we are tolerant of human error.
Best wishes
Pooter : I quit smoking 15 years ago. It was the hardest habit I ever had to quit. It took me 2 trys. The way I did It was with the patch, the patch cost as much as Cigarettes. You were suppose to go three weeks using patch. Different levels of nicotine each week. I went 2 weeks on the patch and did not go the 3rd. I quit Thank God. I always say now It is all In the head, you can put a bandage on and think of it as a patch. Good Luck. YOU CAN DO IT.
Angelicamarie : Hi pooter, thanks for responding to hey ostamates, but I think you were reponding to someone about smoking!! Hava a great evening Angelicamarie
LadyHope : Hi Angelicamarie, This is a very though provoking post. It had me reflecting back to 2013 and my life altering/changing surgery. I didn't know what an ostomy was prior to my illness. I was blessed as my husband begged me to have surgery in order to survive. I was the one resisting because I felt that I would get better with time and rest. My get better time never came until I agreed to have surgery. I found that my family had issues accepting my ostomy. My mother never talks or asks about it; my father tries to look at the brighter side of an ostomy which doesn't help when you are feeling down; and my sister does not respect the fact that I can't be in the sun, sweating for hours because of dehydration. I sometime feel she is the cruelest of everyone. It was very hard in the beginning because my immediate family made me feel terrible about myself and the pouch. My husband always accepted it and promised to help me. He still encourages me when I am having a rough time. I found many Angels on this site and in the support group rooms. No one understands this situation like another ostomate. Although we have different concerns, we are linked together through the bonds of a stoma. I like to dream, one day, medicine will come up with a new procedure to preserve the diseased or problematic bowel and a stoma will not me needed or maybe needed for a temporary period. I like to have hope for tomorrow but I live for today. And today, I have an ostomy that I named Stanley who keeps me alive. Thank you Angelicamarie. Your posts are always very inspiring. Have a nice day. Sincerely, LadyHope
LadyHope : oopps...thought not though :)
Angelicamarie : LH thanks for responding to hey ostamates, I completely understand about family they love you but really don't understand what your really going through. We as ostamates understand because I like to call it the green mile, we all winded up at the green mile. LH I hope to that one day things will change, I'm sure they will if not for us for others . Best wishes!
LadyHope : I so day. Have an awesome week. Take care.
Ozzwood : I wish we were all so accepting to differences in our life such as ostomies. They're not usually brought up in casual conversation. My husband is one who told me that it wasn't anyone's fault I had to have one. It's not something I chose. He views it as a need -- he still loves me, we still have great sex. This little thing on my abdomen has not changed anything between us.

I can't understand people and their thinking. That's the incredible human mind. What one finds repulsive, another finds the same thing a life-saver. I don't know other peoples relationships they have with their spouses or significant others. Maybe they use that as a reason to leave when really it's other things that are the issue. I don't know.

Angelicamarie : Hello ozzwood, thanks for responding, we live in a cruel world where everyone is not always kind. I live for today and hope for tomorrow. I think things will change if not for us the ones after us. It's great that it didn't affect
Your marriage. Sad for the ones that are affected. Have a wonderful day ozzwood! Angelicamarie
bearhunter : well Angelicamarie it happens more than anyone can imagine. 8 months after my surgury my wife of 20 yrs left too, and ive been alone since 2013 yes its a cruel world but peaple gotta quit feeling sorry for themselves and get on with it. i hate to sound so blunt and heartless but i told myself one day after a pityparty for myself to pull my head outta my belly and show the world im gonna fly faster than my angels can and untill i slow down they cant have me. i dont know if its the right attitude but its all i got. there are days it drives me crazy looking over in the passanger seat or the other side of the bed to see it empty for the past 4 yrs guess thats why i go outside and look up and talk to the big guy for a answer. all ive come up with is everything happens for a reason and if ya give up its only your own fault. again not trying to sound heartless i got a bag for the rest of my life had a heart attack and lost my whole family and i still smile everyday
Angelicamarie : Bear hunter, don't keep apologizing for being human, it appears you gained strength after being left to fend for your self. I'm sure it does happen more often than people think, but others aren't as strong as you! Wow bear hunter your a courageous individual and your talking to the right one for answers. So sorry about your health but you lived thank god, and I'm sure you learned something about yourself.thanks for sharing , your story will help someone, but continue smiling!!! But never apologize for surviving hang in there warrior!!!
Angelicamarie : Bear hunter, want to correct something, when I said your talking to the right one for answers I was talking about the lord, not myself. Truly I don't want that I read my response I didn't clarify, so warrior have a great evening... angelicamarie
bearhunter : no worries i understood who you were implying :). and i dont concider myself a warrior just a guy thats making the best of a bad situation. cant stop living cuz ya had a hiccup:P
Patches the pitbull : Howdy y'all I'm new the page and looking for some advice on Hernia and ostomy take down and just trying to be Texan like and make some friends...
Angelicamarie : Hi and welcome to the site. PTPB so sorry but I've never had a hernia, but I have two names to get you started they are our veterans .Bill. Immarsh start with them two. Wish I could be more helpful! That's your starting point PTPB ,good luck !!!! Angelicamarie