The Big Reveal

on 08/06/11

As a 26 year old ostomate and single mother of twin boys, I have recently gone back out into the dating world with my metaphorical and actual baggage firmly in tow. After ending my relationship with my boy's father (who could not accept my ostomy and began pushing me to have a reversal as soon as I got home from the hospital), I was left with horribly low self-esteem. I thought surely if the father of my children could not deal with my bag, who could???

So a few weeks ago, I reconnected through Facebok with a guy that I used to see around town. We've had three dates, and I'm thinking I could really like this guy...Last night I went over to his place and he made me dinner for my birthday. The time had come for me to perform the ostomy monologue I had been practicing since our first date. He listened patiently as I told him all about it. Afterwards, he sat in silence as I pushed through a series of hot flashes waiting to hear his response. I finally asked him what he was thinking, and he said, "Man, that must save you a lot of time..." with a big smile on his face.

I can't believe I allowed my ex's ignorant, negative opinions of my ostomy to get me down for so long. I'm starting to realize that #1: I still got it, and #2: Anyone that is worth my time is not going to judge me because of my bag. Needless to say I had an awesome birthday and I am excited to see where things go from here :)

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Comments:

mooza : Fantastic this guy sounds like a winner ..xxxmooza xx

Past Member: Hi there Clumsylady, and I'm delighted for you too. Its interesting to hear a female perspective to dating under these circumstances. Thought it was just us guys who suffered with the esteem worries. But congrats and best of luck for the future!

MrsO : Sounds like a keeper this one!MrsO x

ambies : Good one clumsylady, im rooting for you...ambies x

Primeboy : Clumsy Lady??? Not any more. It looks like this gal can handle things very nicely. So, how about finding a name that fits?

clumsylady : Oh I definetly pride myself in the fact that I handle my business with class, but grace- not so much. I am the literally the clumsiest person I know. If there is a corner on a piece of furniture, I'm going to run into it. If there is a stick on the ground, I'm going to trip over it. If there is a toy on the floor, I'm going to slip on it, banana peel style...I've owned it, lol. Hey we cant all be perfect :)

funnygurl : You go girl!

StarUK : Well you're gorgeous why would he be worried about it, but seriously i am so pleased you got such a positive response. You give me hope :) Star

bob.hewson : Hi, You have two lots of baggage to deal with the first is your two boys and most men would not be happy to start a relationship with someone with a ready made family [I did with 2 boys and 2 girls for over 30 years] and would run so fast when they found out. The second is your new friend that is now attached to your side like a leach.As your new [old] friend has not started running over either of these you have hit the jackpot, you are a real winner, congratulations.Bob

Past Member: Oh how I can so relate to you.After my surgery 14 years ago,my bf at that time dumped me.I met someone after so many long years of feeling just like you.Ready for that story to tell all night long on our date.He just said,can I see your bag?How does it all work? We have been together for a year now,first time that Iam comfortable with my bag with being with someone.Loves me for who Iam and couldnt care less.Just is so very thankful that he met me and feels highly privledged to be with me.Meant to be,Good luck to you!! God Bless!!

Past Member: you guys give me hope!!!! I am ending my relationship of 20 years because the guy emotionally abandoned me during my chemo radiation -- since his heart surgery 9 yrs. ago won't even consider sex. I'm to young to live like this. I want some humour in my life. I want someone who wants to spend time with me. Glad that you've found someone. It gives me hope.

funnygurl : Not all b/f's are created equal. When I was diagnosed with cancer and told I had to have a permanent colostomy I told my b/f of 1 year to find someone else. He was soooooooooo mad at me. He stuck by my side and took me and my pets to his home for 3 months while I recovered. I told him my greatest fear was not cancer or the colostomy but what to do about my 3 cats while I was in the hospital. My pet boarding place is awesome but very expensive (10.00 per cat per day). He was amazing! In fact one of my 3 cats fell in love with him and remained at his home until she died 2 years later at age 17. We have been together for 9 years and are still happy. Sounds like you have found a winner too. I am happy for you!

matts12 : Rock on!

pegmarston : That's awesome!

Lalu : I'm another one who's very pleased for you. I'm glad your boys' father left, only because if the loser stuck around, you wouldn't have been available for this wonderful new man. No matter what happens, at least you know there are people like him around. In a 12 day period, I had 2 resections that leaked; the 3rd time they went in, I woke up sharing the bed with Walter the Wenis. I was too out of it to even think about how it would affect my husband of 6 years and was in complete denial about it. For the first month or two, he changed the bandage on my open wound twice a day and when I would wake up in a puddle, which happened back then a few times a week, he cleaned me up, stripped the bed, did the laundry and changed my appliance. I didn't even touch it if I could help it. Unfortunately, he unexpectedly died last year, less than a year after my surgery. Don't know if I'm going to give a reversal a shot and I'm not yet ready to throw myself back into the world, but it's nice to hear there are men like your new honey around. It's one thing to be accepted by someone who loved me when I was in one piece; quite another to find someone willing to deal with it from the start when he can walk away more easily. I'm especially happy for you because you're so young. As far as your ex goes, some people just can't deal. Glad you found someone who can.

J.J : aww soo glad you have found someone nice!! :) and you will still find yourself pinching yourself for awhile afterwards...I ended a bad relationship just before my ostomy surgery and am a single parent of four!! My thought was wow..tell me god does not have a sense of humor.four kids and an ostomy..lol..but after being single for over a year and working through my whole ostomy experience I did meet someone great!!..and I held my breath and did the whole ostomy speal...and he asked alot of questions and when the time was right I showed him how I changed my pouch and what the whole process was..he was really cool with it and even offered to wear one to know what it was like to understand better.:D ...really happy for you!!..~hugs~J.J

sooperdave619 : Great to hear! Gives me hope!

Lalu : After reading so much the last few weeks about all the people walking away, I just read over all the posts - 4 - count 'em - 4 different posts in one blog with positive stories. Nice to get some faith back in the human race. J.J. - a man willing to do that is some keeper. Actually, Pegaluna, Clumsylady and Funnygurl - a bunch of keepers - like a bunch of flowers in the middle of a desert. Tomorrow starts the Jewish new year (I think). Nice way to begin.

Irishcuddy : so craaazy how i stumbled on your page, literally went through and going through same thing as you, had two children and father of children cheated on me, i hav come to the conclusion it was because of the bag too but hes just too cowardly to admit it, put myself back on the dating scene but thought things went well with a fella i revealed the bag to but literally not a peep from him since, think your really lucky to find someone who you can be so open with about it, he is a keeper 4sure!!! Funny how ya mention da whole baggage thing too, its hard enough to be a single mother of two wihout a bag and having baggage but i think we just take the meaning of having baggage to a whole new level, extreme baggage mode!!! ha anyhoo really hope things go well for ya wit dis fella, really gave me a glimmer of hope dat mr right mite actually be out der for me too or even dat der is someone else in da same boat as myself wit da extreme baggage lookin for mr right!!!! best of luk x x x