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A Loner With A Stoma

Posted by Bill


Laughter simply drained from me
after I gained my ostomy.
It turned out just as I had feared
as all my friends just disappeared.

I don’t know where or why they went
after all the time we spent.
No longer seen around with me
and that’s down to my ostomy.

I was bereft within myself
for feeling left upon the shelf.
And I was lonely as could be
this can only be the ostomy.

I think as far as I could tell
they would be put off by the smell.
But as my stoma makes no scents
to blame aroma makes no sense.

Furthermore, there’s more to it
than stink and smell when stoma’s spit.
Maybe it’s fear brings them to go
about the things that they don’t know.

The clever bit is they depart
as if ‘they’ never shit or fart.
And then they feel they really must
up and go and show disgust.

But I’m disgusted in the end
with every maladjusted friend.
To go and treat a friend like this
they don’t know what friendship is.

So I now walk or sit alone
with bits of talking on the phone.
Or I come on the internet
to see what company I get.

                                                B. Withers 2013


(My thanks to Ragdoll and transmission man for their blogs which privided the general concept for this verse)


See all blogs by Bill
Rhian : very good! as for these so called 'friends', you are better off without them. Through experience I have found true friends, so they are out there somewhere, and one day you will find them x Dec 03, 2013
Past Member: Loved it, Bill! My favorite part is when an old friend sees you for the first time after your surgery. They try SO hard to keep their eyes from going below the neck. They wait and wait, and chat...but then, oh-oh, there it is! That quick eyelid drop to your middle and ever-so-slight change in expression. If you blink, you'll miss it. Then, they never call you to go out. They check in by email or on the phone, but that's it.So I've become a loner with a stomer, too. Dec 03, 2013
shell : Those that love you, will stand by you...You are never alone.... Even after 3 years with a permanent ileostomy, I hate living with it. You need to keep swimming and keep your chin up! Life is so much more than dealing with those that are ignorant! Dec 03, 2013
moonshine : Dear Bill, If your old friends are aware of your body change it would be natural to be curious. I have no problem unzipping my jeans and showing my bag, stoma (red rocket) and what the contents of our small intestine drain into a medical pouch. We do get a chance to see our food as it is digested and absorbed. color of the day game...I keep my bag flat and empty - also use several products to avoid leakage (odor)...and since I am a girl-I decorated the top of my pouch with rhinestone (bling)....hang in there bill - what state you in? Dec 03, 2013
Bill : Thank you everyone for your comments and support. Loneliness can be a very disturbing state of affairs if you let it get to you. Yet being alone doesn't need to be a negative experience as some people soak up the experience in a much more positive way. Of course there are different words for it - depending on how one feels about it. It's either loneliness or solitude. Personally I have invented another term - 'fringe-edger' which indicates a person who is on the edge of relationships with others, either by choice or by default. 'Someone' once said I don't have any friends - only people I know - and some I know better than others! Best wishes Bill Dec 04, 2013
Past Member: fringe-edger, it is how i feel, thanks for sharing your all this Dec 06, 2013
Past Member: Well said, I feel alone to a point, but on thee other hand im totally cool with it, It's all in god's time when it's meant for me to have a man in my life. Thanks you for responding to my post Bill, I was with the assumption this was a dating site with ostomy people....that's why I joined,i would like to meet others that have a ostomy like me, I also think it would be neat to date someone that has been granted the same life saving thing like me....had I knew it was a site that it is I would not have paid to join it....but I can still meet new friends like you Bill. thank you again you are the only one that posted on my post, appreciate you already...have a great day and stay warm in S.Cali it's brrrr cold...Alisa Dec 06, 2013
Bill : Thanks GreenEyes for your comments. I'm glad to see that others have now posted replies to your original post Alisa as it is useful to have people's views on these matters. -- I've been a fringe-edger for many years and thoroughly enjoy not being an integral or parmanent part of organised life with others. I've tried to capture this in verse for you so thanks for the motivation! Best wishes Bill-------- FRINGE-EDGERS. I think of our relationships and all of our companionships as like an interactive force designed for social intercourse. Like planets circling round a sun there is a place for everyone. For many forces interplay within the course of this mêlée. Attraction has propensity to increase the density. Some like a dense, close-knit rapport so are attracted to the core. They feel safe with others near to be alone is their great fear. They like to feel that they belong and so they keep their bonding strong. Other people have some doubt and so they drift both in and out. They see some benefits of groups and sometimes being in their loops. Yet they also want to know that they are free to come and go. They don't appreciate the fact that groups may tell them how to act. If, independently they ‘think' groups may push them to the brink. And there they stay right on the fringe where social groups do not impinge. Not always biological sometimes it's psychological. For in our minds it is allowed to be detached within a crowd. B. Withers 2013 Dec 07, 2013
moonshine : I must be odd then......I like to be alone.....sure I need human interaction and possible affection.......but only for moment. I do not feel alone. I drink jack daniels, dance to loud music and believe in medical marijuana....all in the comfort of my home sweet home......My 19 year old son does live with me and I am trying to start working part time again .That is all the interaction I need as of today. By the way are you quoting bill withers the singer? Dec 07, 2013
Bill : Hello moonshine. Thank you for your reply to this blog. In my perception of the relationship universe you are not 'odd'. However, (as with the planets of the solar system) -- as individuals move away from the centre of 'gravity' there is much more space to move about in. Therefore those on the 'edges' are less likely to be meeting others like them. When they do meet someone else their paths will often only meet briefly as each will be on a different trajectory. I tend to value those meetings because I never know when another will come along- if ever! As for the B. Withers name. As I do not follow music or celebrities, I had not heard of the singer by that name when I was looking for a pseudonym. My rhyming verse at that time was mostly about what was wrong with the 'systems' within our society. I bleived that if 'those in charge' were to get to know who was writing the verses then my own job with them would certainly be terminated. At first I was Bill Toby Withers - which, with little or no interpretation translates into: (Bill) the 'price you pay' (Toby) 'to be' (Withers) 'with us'. However, that name quickly became shortened to a call for solidaririty against all things that were percieved to be wrong about the system and society- hence 'be with us!' I wrote several verses to encapsulate the concept of coming together in this way, one of which I will reproduce below. I hope you like it. Best wishes Bill.---------------- B. WITHERS.B. WITHERS TODAY, B. WITHERS TOMORROW. B. WITHERS IN PAIN, B. WITHERS IN SORROW, B. WITHERS BY DAY, B. WITHERS BY NIGHT. B. WITHERS WHEN WRONG, B. WITHERS WHEN RIGHT. B. WITHERS WHEN POOR, B. WITHERS WITH WEALTH. B. WITHERS IN SICKNESS, B. WITHERS IN HEALTH. B. WITHERS WHEN HAPPY, B. WITHERS WHEN SAD. B. WITHERS IN GOOD TIMES, B. WITHERS IN BAD. B. WITHERS IN BODY, B. WITHERS IN MIND, B. WITHERS WHEN CRUEL, B. WITHERS WHEN KIND. B. WITHERS WHEN CRYING, ,B. WITHERS IN LAUGHTER. B. WITHERS IN DEATH AND B. WITHERS THEREAFTER. B. Withers 1994 Dec 08, 2013
Past Member: I enjoy writing....I really enjoyed reading that! Seriously though, I pulled away from my friends after my surgery and probably long enough to make them feel uncomfortable. I often wonder if it is because they feel like they are useless in supporting us and that maybe they are freaked out about how to be with us. Most people lack true compassion and the ability to really reach out. Dec 13, 2013
Bill : Hello Peppermint. Thank you for your post and, as a writer, I'm sure you will understand how gratifying it is to think that someone has enjoyed reading what you have written.There are many and various reasons why people either come together of drift apart and I'm sure that you have identified a couple of the latter in your post. People often look for things that they may have 'in-common' with others before they will get closer. There was some research done on a college campus where a subject was lying on the ground as if in distress and the object of the research was to see who came to their aid. (and why) The outcome indicated that if the person was wearing a football shirt - then the supporters of that club would stop to help. People without such shirts were left to suffer. It makes one wonder what sort of world we have created!Best wishes Bill Dec 13, 2013
lorraine-cooper1960 : Bill I love it, you are so talented. Maybe because in the beginning we are so aware of our ostomates that we subconsciously bring others attention to it. I have a very bad habit of putting my hand over my Ostomy when I walk. Firstly to support it, I'm waiting on a decent belt that provides support but doesn't stop output, as I have had two major surgeries in less than 6 months. Secondly I would hit the roof if someone bumped me in that area accidentally it is so sensitive and sore.Will you allow me to use your poem to circulate on the internet. As a writer myself I prefer to be asked rather than assume it's ok. Bye for now Lorraine, Dec 14, 2013
Bill : Hello Lorraine. Thank you for your comments which are much appreciated. This particular verse is yet to be published (April 2014)in 'My Ostomy World Book 3'(paperback) and in 'My Ostomy World- trilogy' (May 2014 -hardback) So ostomates on this site are getting a preview - which is how I feel it should be. If you wish to circulate it more widely, then I would hope that you would quote where it can be found. After the publication date this is probably not so important. However, if someone likes this one then they might also like some of the others that have been published so it is helpful to point them in the right direction. It might be useful to explain thet I do not publish for profit so I'm quite happy for the verses to be widely circulated for free and I usually email them to people who like to read them.Best wishes Bill Dec 14, 2013
lorraine-cooper1960 : Hi Bill thanks for your reply. Of course I would make sure you and the source was quoted as author and owner, I will wait happily until you publish and hopefully I can buy a copy in Australia. Merry Christmas or happy holidays as I will be off line for a while, going for a tune up! Dec 14, 2013
Past Member: This poem i think EVERYONE can relate too. Everytime i got sick friends disappeared and makes me think, to NEVER trust mankind. I was sick for 8 years with UC and CVS and throughout that time i had a single friend stand by my side the entire way. My best friend since grade six never left my side. She may have not been there always- having a life of her own... but unlike EVERYONE else who followed your poem to a T... she stuck around and supported me. Its the 1 in a million- because face it.... people suck. Dec 16, 2013
Bill : Hello Cinderella11126. Thanks for your comment. Your friend does sound like that one in a million and is a very rare and precious person. Everyone should have the opportunity of knowing someone like that but sadly there are simply not enough of them to go around.Best wishes Bill Dec 16, 2013
China2011 : Bad things can bring the best or the worst out of a person. My 4-year boy friend left me after being told I have cancer and the colostomy. But as many have said here, you don't need friends who will leave you when you most need them..It is a beautiful poem, I hope soon to read more from you. Dec 22, 2013
Bill : Hello China2011 Thank you for your comment. I was saddened to hear about the way your boyfriend reacted to your news. (but not surprised!) It got me thinking when you said that he was a '4 year' boyfriend because that's about the emotional age that I estimate these people to be. It is an age where chldren are self-centred and have not yet learned about empathy or social responsibility. Some people never get passed this emotional age, even in adulthood. If you want to read more of my verses you should be able to do so by going into my profile. (right click on 'Bill' under my photo) Then click on any of the titles under 'latest blogs'. there's loads of rhyming verses there that I have previously blogged. Best wishes Bill Dec 23, 2013
China2011 : Hi Bill, hmmm..I never thought of that, a person's emotional age..interesting point of view of yours and also insightful.When it comes to a serious matter, people decide on different mechanism I suppose. I first act on instinct though I don't know where that comes from. All I know is I'd never leave a friend who is in need. Not much I can do maybe, but I will be there. I will now check on your profile page, thank you! Dec 23, 2013
Bill : When you say there's 'not much you can do' - you grossly underestimate the positive effect of simply 'being there'. - It's the number one thing about relationships and it is often overlooked when it happens natuarlly. One of the reasons I started writing rhyming verse was that I came across people whose situations and circumstances I could not change - so I wrote rhyming verse to show that I was 'there' and that I had listened empathetically. It was one of the few things that I could do at the time. There has not been one occasion where this has not been appreciated. I feel so priviledged to be able to do this for people who have (sometimes) irresolvable problems. Best wishes Bill Dec 23, 2013
China2011 : Absolutely, simple things make huge differences, especially when people are somewhat vulnerable... Dec 23, 2013
Past Member: Bummer! Yours is the first blog I have ever read. I decided to join ostomates as I was hoping to find inspiration to get back to some of the activities I enjoyed prior to becoming ill. Doesn't sound like it's going to be easy according to your poem. However, you can certainly turn a phrase. Just looking for something more upbeat. Good luck to you! Jan 18, 2014
Bill : Hello China2011 Thankyou for your comments. You are of course quite right when you say that simple things make a difference. There is so much about communication - both verbal, non-verbal and by ommission that affects us much more than we sometimes care to acknowledge. Vulnerble people tend to also be very sentsitive and sensitised to those things that might pose an emotional danger to them, so they pick up on things that other (less sensitive) people just let go past without a second thought. There are ways to control the sensitivity, so that it does not diminish a potenial quality of life that sensitive people might otherwise have.Best wishes Bill Jan 19, 2014
Bill : Hello notoveryet. Welcome and thank you for your comments. I am well aware that many of my verses are about those things that go wrong in life. This is because they are often written to reflect what individuals have communicated about there own, personal circumstances and feelings. It is what I have labelled 'inverse-feedback'. Of course I don't apologise for this approach because I believe that people with problems appreciate when someone actually listens to what they are sayng. The poems will be recognised as their own thoughts and therefore indicate that someone has obviously listened intently and understands their feelings in an empathetic way. Very often there is little else that can be done in a practical sense, so it's my way of being 'there' for people and giving them a little emotional support. Please don't let my verses divert you from taking part in any activities and enjoying life yourself. My own stoma has not really affected my life in many adverse ways and, compared with previously, it has enhanced the quality of life no end. I have just finished my third publication specifically on 'My Ostomy World' and the last two poems reflect my own feelings on what you are saying about the verses being somewhat negative. I will blog the last verse in book 3 in a minute, so that you can see my thinking on this issue. However, I do hope to also continue writing verses in the old-style for the reasons I have outlined above.Best wishes Bill Jan 19, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : Keep on keeping on. I enjoy your writing there is something for everyone. Jan 23, 2014
Bill : Hello Lorraine. Thank you so much fore your comments. Of course it pleases me no end when someone indicates that they enjoy what I have written, especially when the subject matter is not necessarily to everybody's taste. I will try to keep on with the theme of ostomies but it becomes progressively harder to find different things to versify. However, I am very grateful to the people on this site for sharing their experiences as it is from them that I often get my inspiration and subject matter for the verses. Best wishes Bill Jan 24, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : Hi again Bill. Don't feel constrained to write only about ostomies. I write in a journal daily and have done for many years, but I also have many topics of interest and I recently submitted a paper to the Australian War Museum about the military nurses and the women and children who were interred during WWII. They have accepted it (much to my amazement as I never feel completely happy with my work) but it will be catalogued and eventually available for display. So please shares your thoughts on any topic you feel passionate about. I believe this site is not just for advice, venting, meeting others and support but for encouraging each other to stretch ourselves to be the best person we can be. We may never be ballet dancers or gymnasts but it is so exciting to see another person facing the same daily issues excelling at something they love. I hope you will not think me presumptuous but I love to see someone who has a passion. Bye for now and God Bless. Jan 24, 2014
Bill : Hello Lorraine. Congratulations on having your paper accepted for publication. I know exactly how it feels not to be happy about what you've written - it's like that everytime I write something. Unfortunately, I never had a proper basic education so I tend to be a bit sensitive about that sort of thing. Wherever possible I try to get someone to proof-read my verses before publication. However, the last person who was doing it for me went back to New Zealand last year and I haven't found a replacement. I do write about stuff other than ostomiesbutr much of it is for people with mental-health problems and I feel that it would not necessarily be appropriate to be sharing it on a site like this. Also I am aware that there needs to be a balance in the blogs and postings so that it is not swamped with rhyming verse from one person. Otherwise new people coming onto the site could be put off by thinking that this was what the site was all about(and it isn't!). I used to be passionate about painting - so much os that I spent three days solid on one picture, not eating or sleeping. It was then I decided that painting was not good for my health and I needed an interest that would not take so long to complete. Rhyming verse filled that void nicely as each poem rarely takes more than a day and most just take an hour or two. Also I can store loads of them in books or on the computer so they don't take up as much physical space as pictures. Some writing I do in prose but after I finish a paper I usually feel that the points I'm trying to make would be much more consise if I put them into rhyming verse. Sometimes I visualise a time when I will not be around to comment on my work so I will write a paper/book explaining what I meant or what hoped to portray. This is a throwback to being slightly irritated by art critics who 'interpret' what the artists have painted after they have died and cannot put them right in their pretentiousness. I have many varied and wide-ranging interests that more or less keep a balance in my life. I try to do stuff outdoors when the weather is good and indoors when it's not. Hence, with the English climate, I find plenty of time to do research and write. I've recently finished a 'spoof' PhD.thesis, documenting the findings of my research entirely in rhyming verse.(368 pages)- Along with a booklet entiltled 'Scientific Rhyming Verse' explaining the reasoning and method for such a tome. Because it tends to poke-fun at the academic system I would doubt that it would get past the examiners of any actual university. However, there are a few academics that enjoy reading my stuff and provide some motivation for continuing to knock the 'system' in this way. I have been experimenting with writing short scripts and sketches in verse just to see if it would work as an entertainment but as yet I haven't thought about getting anyone to perform it. At my age the ballet-dancing and gymnastics have to be done in the written form rather than physical but the principles and the enjoyment are much the same!Best wishesBill Jan 25, 2014
Taz-uk : This is so true except my surgery is in 2 weeks and no1 around me already.... Ppl run wen they don't understand although I was always there to hold there hand. To walk alone won't b my loss but there's for wen the next time there scared I won't b there again to listen to listen And show I care. Feb 17, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : Hi Bill and Ta Zuk. As you pointed out you have been there for others and now you are abandoned. However you now have thousands of people on this site who heard what you had to say and will bear you up as much as possible. You are not alone. I have been trying through court ordered mediation for a few years to see my grandchildren, however, unfortunately due to ignorance my son and his wife won't come near me in case they catch cancer or poo on them. Shame on them. I had to listen to an hour and a half of verbal abuse last night (i thought i might be able to reason with my son so I'm an idiot!) before my husband realised what was going on (as I was in bed and he was in another room), before he took the phone and ended the conversation. That is my own flesh and all he sees is the illness and when I was nursing I'm sure the first thing i learned about cancer is it's not contagious!! So my freind(s) vent as much as is needed to restore your peace of mind and take comfort in being heard and I believe you will be on many prayer lists. Sorry for being long winded i will watch out for you on line, and I will be thinking of you when you have your surgery. God bless, Lorraine. Feb 17, 2014
Bill : Hello Taz uk. Thank you for your post and, although it does not surprise me, I'm sorry to hear that people have deserted you in your hour of potential need. However, I would urge you to think these things through thoroughly before you decide to emulate their appalling example (next time around when they need support). They probably cannot help their reactionary ways of behaving as they are unlikely to consciously ‘think' about what they are doing and the possible effects it will have on those they are doing it to. This is especially so when what they are doing is an act of omission or neglect – rather than a more deliberate act of aggression. The act of giving time and attention to others in their times of need attracts its own personal rewards and should not need reciprocation. However, it is very rewarding to obtain some sort of recognition for that sort of selflessness and I believe that the recognition and rewards are best self-generated rather than waiting and expecting it to come from others.I hope your operation goes well and that you can move along in your life a little more productively than those who have let you down on this occasion.Best wishes Bill Feb 18, 2014
Bill : Hello Lorraine. So sorry to hear that you are still having problems with your family. I developed a set of three guidlines that help me ascertain whether or not it is likely to be worthwhile entering into a conversation regarding problems.1) Does the person recognise the problem as a problem? 2) Is the person willing to change? 3) Are they willing to work at changing? If any number of these questions is answered negatively then I feel there is little point in entering into a conversation in the first place.I hope this may be helpful Best wishes Bill Feb 18, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : thanks Bill. Sad to say you are absolutely correct. Our son called last night and sadly spent and hour and a half of my life I won't get back explaining and really getting in to me why I can't see him, his wife or the grandchildren. I heard from the family court that this is an irresolvable case as they want to be right not interested in trying to mend this. The main reasons were a. cancer could be catching (der) b. I have to wear fentanyl patches to cope with pain and they don't want their children around a drug user (der).So unfortunately we are going to have to draw a line under the situation and walk away which breaks my heart. I also found out this week that I have more metastases and will need further surgery soon and stronger chemo. I have asked for a couple of weeks breathing space to digest the info and then I want to have the biopsies done again to be sure. So my friend, I appreciate your efforts as I feel a bit lost, trying to keep up beat for my husband, but I am dieting inside. So thank you so very much. Lorraine Feb 18, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : um typo not dieting inside, die-ing but my spell checker keep mixing up my worms I mean words! At least it made me laugh xx Feb 18, 2014
Bill : Hello lorraine. It's such a sad and unnerving set of circumstances when you have tried so hard and nothing productive comes out of it. It's also pitiful that they are acting as an unfortunate role-model for your grandchildren. Lets hope that the grandchildren will grow up to recognise what seems morally and emotionally right and wrong independently of what they are told by their parents. I hope things start to pick up for you soon Best wishesBill Feb 18, 2014
Taz-uk : Thanks bill and Lorraine. I know we should not treat others as they treat us but sometimes the anger of being alone acts out,I most likely as always will be there for anyone who needs my support I just wish I had a friend like me :)Lorraine I hope your son sees sense and sees the hurt he is causing you (hugs) Feb 18, 2014
Primeboy : Such a sad situation, Lorraine. How sharper than a serpent's tooth is it to have a thankless child (Lear). Unfortunately, the grandchildren are now learning how they should treat their parents in their time of need. What goes around comes around. I know this thought does not make your life any easier but it places the family at the absolute center of healthy socialization. PB Feb 19, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : Thank you Primeboy, and everyone who has taken the time to encourage me. I am truly grateful. It has been the worst week of my life but through people who care (my friends and family and the friends I have made here) it has given me the strength to deal with a very difficult week. It is only Thursday but I have had to set some boundaries and use my husband as a filter to prevent constantly having to go over the problems I have at the moment, I am so blessed to have such a good man (we went to school together I have known him since I was 13 and he was 16) and we have never been apart, so God gave me a man he knew would love me unconditionally and forever; But to to list in order what has happened in one week will help me banish the weight of the situation.1. I have been diagnosed with further metastases2. I have been diagnosed with heart failure3. I have lost my eldest son and his family because they truly believe that they can catch my condition!!!! LOL4. I had to make a decision to discontinue life support for my mother 24 hours ago and so it will only be a case of a few days or a couple of weeks at most. It was what she wanted and although I live in Australia and she lives in Cambridge England, she trusted me enough when she drew up her advance health directive that she put me down as the person to contact, It was a heart wrenching thing to do, but I don't want my mum to suffer and I hope that my family will make the decision if i can't so that I don't suffer.It still felt as if I was giving a vet permission to put my pet to sleep though terribleSo I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to encourage me and help with advice or just kind words. Im not giving in but I just wanted to make sure everyone knew how grateful I am.A 100,000 blessings to you all. Lorraine. Feb 20, 2014
Bill : Hello Lorraine. It sounds as though you have more than enough on your plate at the moment. I just wanted to offer you some support regarding your decision about your mother. It is great that she was able to share her wishes with you before this set of circumstances arose and it gives me great hope to think that you are willing to support her in her hours of need. Because I too have such an advance directive, it gives me great comfort to believe that my wishes will be fulfilled should I ever end up in such a position. There's is often not a lot we can do about the crap that life throws our way so it is good to know that support is available for others to do for us those things we would like to do for ourselves. Best wishes Bill. Feb 20, 2014
lorraine-cooper1960 : To Bill Primeboy Ta Zuk and everyone who has listened to me whine all week. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Isn't it strange that the people who can care most are friends we make on line without really knowing each other personally, I do feel that I have never felt so grateful or so lost for words for the love and kindness I have received! thank you isn't enough but it's all I have, Feb 21, 2014
Angelicamarie : Bill, good morning I see the my fellow ostomates are responding to a loner with a stoma , I really feel that you touched a home run with that, sometimes I feel like a loner with a stoma in all honesty. It's very touching and so real..... Angelicamarie Dec 19, 2016
Bill : Hello Angelicamarie.
Thank you so much for posting your comments on 'Loner with a stoma'. It means a lot to me to know that there are still people out there who are reading these verses and even getting something from them. There are a lot of us who feel this way at times and it is very good that we have a site like this where we can air our views and concerns amongst those who know what it's like.
Best wishes
Dec 19, 2016
Taz-uk : Hey Bill

It's only when something like this happens you find out your true friends ???? I certainly did! I lost my best friend ... my HUSBAND! He just couldn't cope with my Stoma and that was more hurtful than my surgery x
Dec 19, 2016
Bill : Hello Taz.
Thank you for posting your thoughts and your experience on this issue which, unfortunately many people have suffered from.
I find it very difficult to understand how people can react so negatively to such a minor thing in life. It must be part of their dysfunctional personalities that they cannot cope with anything slightly different. Perhaps this shallow, self-centred perspective enables them to keep their little worlds insulated from what goes on everyday around them. They have little or no idea of the damaging effects their behaviour can have on people who do care about things and people. One of the things I like about this site is that we can support each other, not only because we know what it is like to live with a stoma but most of us have had a taste of those insensitive, hurtful 'others' who only cater to their own needs and expect others to cater to their needs as well.
Best wishes
Dec 19, 2016
Taz-uk : So true Bill x Dec 19, 2016
Bill : Hello Taz.
I have a saying (lifted from this site) and stuck to the cupboard on top of my computer and it reads: 'If you want to find a true friend you can trust, get a dog.(or, I'm sure a horse will do just as well)
Best wishes
Dec 19, 2016
Taz-uk : That is so true and found my 5bessies in the four legged variety, 3dogs 2horses and sanctuary ????
Best wishes x
Dec 19, 2016
Bill : Most of my academic research was on people and their relationships to their pets and the saying seems to support my own research findings surprise- surprise!
However, it is not surprising that our pet-friends couldn't give a damn about whether we have a stoma or not. Perhaps our human friends could learn something from them.
Best wishes
Dec 19, 2016
Angelicamarie : How about that love you regardless!!! Angelicamarie Dec 19, 2016
Bill : Angelicamarie. You are a gem! Dec 19, 2016

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